Today will be my last post. I know it is kind of retard to write it out. Before i am leaving to korea at 00.10am today, i just wanna say something. To the girl who i like: I likes u very much. i really do. If there's a chance to be with you, i will seize and cherish it. I know it has not been easy for u lately because of me. I would like to apologies to you. I left with only 2 choices. 1) Either ask u break up with ur bf 2) We just remain as closed friends( friends without benefit). I know it is less likely u would choose the first choice so i guess the second choice would be better. Even though we could only be closed friends, I would like to say that i would always be with u no matter what. I'm not sure in the future will you forget about me but if u need help, i will be there. Also, i will be there waiting for you. The memories we spend together i will never forget and the feelings we have i will burred in my heart.
Another message i want to say to my dear best friend/brother( Shao Qi): I know i am always being a bastard in your heart. I would always like to disiao u or say u but u must know that all these are just a joke. Never have i expected that this day, u would really choose to give up the friendship we have for the past 7 years. I'm really sorry for what i did okay? I hope u can let bygone by bygone. I do agreed that after so many arguments we have, we are being tired but that doesn't mean we should give up. I hope u can give me one last chance. At least, i hope our friendship can pull through our graduation day in poly. I'm not sure u will be able to read this, but if u do i hope u will do something about it...
I was styled at
3:23 AM
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
I know i'm fortunate that i have a home to stay, a lovely family and workable body but u know what i'm short of? I need someone to be there for me, listening and sharing each other problems and always being there with one another. Also, someone who we can play, cuddle, joke and laugh with. My family members even though they take good care of me, they dun really care and concern me. I wish u will be that someone. I know now u can't but i know u will be in the future. I have enough going through those torturous and danger path while others are going through a simple way out. Do u understand now?
I was styled at
5:32 AM
Sometimes, have you ever thought for my feelings? The moment when u send that message saying dun think that u like me when u dun like me. My heart shatters into tiny pieces. Even though i can't be together with u, at least let me have feelings on you. Reason why i'm sad because u seem have already fade the feelings u have on me. It is as if like nothing have happened before. Then i feel like a spared tyre... And now u seem like hating me(which i dun blame u), i understand how u feel. But main question is do u understand me? I'm going korea soon, i really will miss u a lot. I wanna say deep inside what my heart wants to say but i know i can't. I wish u can send me off on that day but i know u wun and u can't. I really do love you. I would willing to do anything to make us to be together. I know i'm being naïve to wait, but i know and hope that the day will come.
I was styled at
5:21 AM
Saturday, September 5, 2015
It is just the second day only. I really can't resist and control my feelings anymore. I really wanna run over to her tell her that i love her and ask her that can she leave her bf for me? I dun mind people calling me as a third party and spoil other relationship. I dun mind at all. But i know it is impossible. She would not do this for me even if i asked her to. This is hard. I can't really focused myself well. The feelings have gone deep inside me. Haiz. I can't tell any of my feelings to anyone. I also can't tell her. I have to just going out nowadays to keep myself busy...
I was styled at
7:11 AM
Friday, September 4, 2015
Today is the day i talk to her the least. I guess this is the hardest day of my life from today onward. It is hard but i know because of her happiness, i must do it. I feel the emptiness in me again. That emotion and feelings that creeping me out. My mind are thinking about her today. I'm worried about her but yet i can't do anything. I hope she have made the right decision... Tmr morning i have training and i think my performance would be sucked again. Seriously, i think god are being bias to me. They purposely made my life to go through so many hard experience. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm sad. I do not know how long more i can take this. Why can't i have a second chance to shine myself? I wish i can end my life but is not easy... Why must i be born on earth in the first place...
I was styled at
7:36 AM
Thursday, September 3, 2015
My heart is bleeding... I really can't bear to do this... This is because she can't let go of her current bf and i can't keep giving her the troubled or i can't possible ask her to break up with her bf. Actually, in my heart, i wish that she can be with someone better than her current bf. Someone better may not be me but can be someone out there. Even though her bf treats her good, i still can't feel the guy actually love her that much. All i can say is that the guy may not be sincere in love. I mean he can provide her to pay stuff and meals for her but after all, does he respect her? Does he gives her human freedom? And does he trust her? No matter what, i want her to be happy. I will be always by her side no matter what. I'm willing to wait for her even if that chance is low. I know that if we got fate to be together, there will be one day we will be. I really love her. I do. I am not sure whether she will see this post but i hope not. I rather i am the one who shed tears for her and not her shedding tears. I would do the sacrifice and not her. I want her to be happy.
